If you are thin skinned and can’t deal with language similar to that used in your favorite R-rated action movie, you don’t want to read this post.
Yesterday I received an email from a girl who worked for me when I was still in the adult industry. The work she did for me has reared its head again in her life, and she thought I was behind it, sharing her photo content again. We’ve been emailing back and forth. The conversation continues.
With her permission, I’m going to share parts of our email conversation with you. I’ll highlight a few things that I think really say more than the words she used. This is what porn really is, my friends…
After doing a little research of my own, I soon learned that you have some affiliation with ******* here in Redding. I wanted to remind you that I did some nude shoots with you and your girlfriend Belinda about 10 years ago. I understand that my photos are available on the internet for anyone to look at, or save for that matter. However, I also know that it is with great detail that you may even find me on these various websites after all of these years. You would really have to search or have specific information about a model to actually find these photos now. At the time, I was interested in taking photos and exploring my individualism, and the money was decent for an 18 year old. Unaware at the time that my photos would be posted on a LOCAL website, I continued to shoot with you two. It was only after the trip to Baltimore that you sent me on, that I realized this was something that was no longer fun, or anything I wanted to do. I had the most awful experience there and was tricked into doing things that were not in my contract. Granted I did voluntarily go alone on this trip, I really did not have anyone to turn to while across the US. I was scared, and I felt betrayed by you. I recall you saying that the photographer was incredibly sweet and would make me feel comfortable. That was obviously not the case, so I decided that I did not want to shoot with you anymore.
For a couple years after I stopped, my photos started popping up in places, parties, friend’s phones, Myspace. I was humiliated. I went through a lot of judgment and ridicule. I was under the impression that the photos I was taking weren’t for local websites. After two shitty years of dealing with bullshit, to my own doing, I finally came to a place where I wasn’t ashamed anymore and I felt good about myself. Every now and again I would come across some asshole that still had my photos saved somewhere, a little fucking creepy and pathetic if you ask me. I mean, these photos are almost ten years old!
Recently, it has come to my attention that my photos are being shared again. Weird, it’s been 10 years, but it still feels like yesterday. I then put together that it was in fact you sharing my photos. You are the fucking creepy and pathetic asshole still sharing my photos after all these years even after I shared with you my personal struggle.
I am appalled at your actions, we’re both adults and I am even more surprised at your blatant disrespect for young women. I learned the hard way. I can only imagine how some of the other girls felt after growing up and realizing that they made huge mistakes. We can only rely on the hope that you and Belinda were decent people and as time went on these photos would disappear in some way. But no thanks to you, they have resurfaced causing a lot of pain in my life. I am disgusted, you have two daughters. How would you feel if they made mistakes in their life and someone like their father was making them relive their ultimate humiliation? Oh wow, just found you on Facebook and you’re a changed man huh? Christian! I call bullshit, I am even more disgusted with you!
In my reply to that initial email, I assured her it wasn’t me sharing her photos again. A later message indicated why she thought it must be me (some of the photos were from a site that still exists, and bears the name I used to use). After a bit of discussion, she wrote, “Ok I believe you. It’s possible that your name was used because of your previous affiliation. I’m sorry to come at you in attack mode, I have just been dealing with some unnecessary bullshit. Thank you for responding.”
I let her know that I’d be happy to help in any way possible. If someone was using her photos in an illegal way, I could definitely help do something about it. Her response also shares what went on in Baltimore (the bad experience mentioned above). WARNING: this part makes a brief reference to acts that some might find too graphic. I’m leaving that in the post, because porn is what it is…
I don’t think anyone is using my photos illegally. I think they just have them saved somewhere or are able to access them. There was a sales guy named *****, not sure about his last name, who was taunting my ex with them. Your name was brought up, but it is possible that he was referring to the website (*****). In the past there were a couple of guys that claimed they knew you, but again, could have been lying. I will look more into it. I wish I could erase the photos from Baltimore. On that trip I was young and scared as it was. I couldn’t complete the fisting shoot, it hurt so bad and so I started to cry. He became frustrated with me and thought that if he talked dirtier that it would somehow help? But it made it worse. He then pulled me aside and told me that I would not get paid if I didn’t do it, and that I would be wasting his time if I couldn’t cooperate. It just wasn’t me. As far as I know, no one is claiming to be you. Thank you, I’m glad that you turned it around. I think when I was younger, I just saw dollar signs and thought my open-mindedness was of something different than it really is. OR I have grown up, who knows. Either way, I half-expected it to follow me forever in someway, and for that I am responsible.
I was able to apologize. I’m so happy to have the opportunity to do so. Her response was, “I really appreciate your apology, it truly means a lot. Thank you so much.”
My friends, when looking at porn, do you ever stop to think that the girl on the screen is someone’s beautiful daughter? You wouldn’t want anyone to look at the content if she was your daughter. Why is okay when it’s someone else’s daughter?