Donny's Ramblings

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Before and After: 300lbs vs. 175lbs

The photo on the right was taken December 4th, 2017. Just 10 months earlier, in February, I actually had a pretty decent 6 pack going on, as I’d been doing 1,000 situps per day. But on February 12th, 2017, I received some horrible news that took something out of me… I couldn’t stay motivated to keep working out, and was only able to motivate myself to run: it’s impossible to both run and cry at the same time. I ran 5-8 miles every day.

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I’ve Discovered Virb… Have I “Arrived” Now?

I keep hearing more and more about . Friends and acquaintances have been telling me it’s like MySpace, only better. So I joined today. My page has nothing on it but one friend and one photo at the moment, but the site does look promising. I did a Google News Search for and it looks like it’s catching on.

There are 40 people within 40 miles of my little town that are on at the moment. Are you on? If so, add me as a friend. Click this screenshot to go to my Virb page:

Donny on

PS: Check out this page (click here) for photos of my weight loss progress so far…

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I've Discovered Virb… Have I "Arrived" Now?

I keep hearing more and more about . Friends and acquaintances have been telling me it’s like MySpace, only better. So I joined today. My page has nothing on it but one friend and one photo at the moment, but the site does look promising. I did a Google News Search for and it looks like it’s catching on.

There are 40 people within 40 miles of my little town that are on at the moment. Are you on? If so, add me as a friend. Click this screenshot to go to my Virb page:

Donny on

PS: Check out this page (click here) for photos of my weight loss progress so far…


45 Lbs Lost. SO MUCH More to Go.

Originally uploaded by xxxchurch.

Seeing myself on film, I realize I’ve still got a long way to go in the weight loss department.

This was shot April 21, 2007. I was being interviewed at the Porn and Pancakes event in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Click photo to enlarge. Wait a second… that might not be such a good idea. 🙂

I’ve got another 25 lbs to go to reach my goal.

Footage from this particular Porn and Pancakes event will end up on the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric sometime this coming week. If my luck is as good as last time (when CNN‘s Anderson Cooper sent his team to the last P&P) all footage of me will be cut from the final story.

I’m okay with that.


Emotional Roller Coaster, a Healed Ear and a 45lbs Lighter Donny

I started writing this on April 3rd, 11 days ago. I wrote most of it, saved it as a draft, and haven’t returned to finish it. Today I intend to do so.

Before becoming a Christian, I’d never seriously considered ending my life.


Ever ever ever.

So after surrendering my life to God… after He begins doing amazing, powerful, profound things for me… after having real encounters with the Creator of the Universe… why is it that after all of that I arrived at a place where I seriously wished to die?

This happened just a few days short of a month ago. John says I played it down when I very briefly mentioned it in my “Dear Daphne” letter. He says I did so because I’m afraid that if I tell the truth people won’t like me as much. People might stop reading my blog. People might think I’m not really a Christian. People might think I’m crazy and, as such, might not want to listen to me speak.

John is very blunt. I love him. He’s my best friend and he knows me pretty damned well. He calls it like he sees it and trusts me enough to know I won’t be offended when he does so. He knows I respect that about him.

And really, what is there to be afraid of? I discuss everything here, and because of that I’ve received dozens of emails thanking me for being transparent. Telling me that this blog speaks into the lives of many.

I feel that’s what I’m supposed to do here. I feel that very strongly.

So now I’m going to tell you about the emotional roller coaster I was riding.

It felt like the world came crashing down on March 16th.

On that day:

– I’d just settled in to a new place to live after the bank took my house. The new place isn’t nearly as comfortable as what I’ve been used to, and having two roommates takes a bit of adjustment, especially when you have to share a bathroom with one of them.

– That afternoon Wendy let me know that there’s no hope for reconciliation on any sort of romantic level, and when I heard her reasons for feeling that way I knew she was serious.

I had to face a very serious issue from my past that I’ve been trying to forget.

– I was still upset that, the day before, a man from the adult industry… a man I used to consider a good friend… publicly posted the following message to me, where hundreds if not thousands of people could read it:

If you think you are some reborn Christian, you have lost it. Seriously, I anticipate the day I hear/read about you offing yourself, and I will state now that not only does it not surprise me, but it doesn’t sadden me either. You have inner demons that must be cast out, and at the rate you are going, death is the only thing that will help that along.

– Feelings of rejection (Belinda) begun raising up inside, once again (sometimes I still can’t wrap my mind around how someone can move on so quickly after 6 years of being together – deep inside I know it was my fault, but that doesn’t always satisfy my questions).

– My counselor was out of town.

– My dad, too, was out of town: on vacation for the entire month.

I started thinking, “Lloyd’s right. I should do the world a favor and take myself out.”

I don’t want to discuss the full details of that day because, looking back, I am very embarrassed to have felt that way at all. But I will tell you what kept me from parking my running car in a garage at my former residence, where my garage door opener still works, and listening to music until I went to sleep: I ended up making a call for help. That call brought me down to earth enough that I deciding to check myself into a mental hospital instead of doing something really stupid.

The hospital turned me away. It was after normal admissions hours.  I was informed that in order to be admitted I’d need to go to the emergency room of a regular local hospital and ask for a counselor to be sent.

On the way to the ER I became angry and asked myself what the hell I was doing. Why was I being so stupid? It turned out not to be necessary to check in. Simply attempting to admit myself made something change inside of me, so instead of going to the ER, I went directly to the church for Friday night service…

where God healed my ear. It had been hurting pretty badly for several days. During the service, a man whose name I don’t know started praying for it. Less than 10 seconds into his prayer I started hearing popping noises, the pain went away, and it hasn’t returned.

How can one continue wallowing in self pity after God heals their ear?

God, that was a really good way to refocus my mind back onto you. Thank you for that.

The next day I read Donald Miller’s To Own a Dragon. I was very embarrassed about how I’d felt the day before. How could I have allowed such thoughts to enter my brain?

I was feeling normal again.

For a few days.

The beautiful conversations I’d been having with Wendy were over. There’s nothing more intimate than connecting with words and being on the same page. But that intimacy had to stop.

Once again, I started feeling like I had nobody who truly cared. I bought into that lie. I didn’t sink again to a level where I wanted to die, but I sure was feeling sorry for myself. Today I can’t even remember why.

Because of all of this I realized I was giving myself way too much free time to ponder things that don’t need to be pondered. I immersed myself in work, which is why this blog hasn’t been updated as regularly as I’d like. Dealer Web Concepts, the business I started to help auto dealers with their internet marketing needs, now services 7 auto dealerships in 4 towns. I had to drop one client due to a conflict of interest with another. That turned out to be a good thing, however, because I have no idea where I’d find the time to service them.

Is now a good time to take a break and mention that I’ve lost 45 lbs? I haven’t been at this weight for almost 6 years. Not long ago I read a comment made on an internet message board by Belinda’s new boyfriend, alluding to him wanting to be “the bigger man” and I couldn’t help but snicker a little. Because now he literally IS the bigger man. But I digress.

Dear God, you’ve allowed me to work past my hatred of Mark to the point where it no longer exists, now please help me lose the residual bitterness as well.

Besides immersing myself in work, I’ve begun attending more home groups. Surrounding myself with like minded people works wonders. When I was growing up, the churches I attended never had small groups. Are these a relatively new creation or were we just clueless? Home groups are amazing! And the churches I associate with have so many to choose from! I attend a Singles group, a Single Parents group, a Christian Sportsman group and another group that wouldn’t quite fit into any particular category.

Feelings of being “alone” no longer exist.

As a Christian I’m still an infant, but I’m loving every experience, good and bad. I’m so far from perfect it’s not even funny. Thank God for Romans 7 verse 17-25. I’ve used those scriptures to help lead others to surrendering their life to God, but I personally find a lot of strength to stand back up each time I fall down.

Here’s Paul, the man who wrote the majority of the New Testament upon which literally BILLIONS of people have lived their lives, talking about his personal struggles. Not struggles he USED TO HAVE, but struggles he faced as a Christian, all the time. “The Message” translation says it best:

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!

I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it.

I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.

My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.

I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

As Rob Bell talks about in the first of his Nooma videos, so many people think being a Christian means you have to have your life in perfect order. But Jesus himself said he didn’t come for those who have it all together. He came for the sick.

Thank God for that.


Wakeboarding in March?

“Hey Donny, it’s Jamie

(I could see that by the caller ID)

“How are ya?”

“Pretty good. Just workin’ on the boat. Cleaning it up. Wanna go out on Saturday?”

“Sounds good.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Just sitting at Starbucks surfing the internet.”

“Wanna come help me clean the boat? I’ll pay you 50 bux to help.”

“You don’t have to pay me. I’ll just help for something to do. I’m finished photographing cars for the day anyway”

“Alright. See you in a bit.”

20 minutes later, after a bit of small talk and changing into some shorts. There’s no reason to wear a shirt in 80 degree weather, especially when cleaning a boat. And the sun is out, so it’ll be easy to get a tan.

“Dude! What happened to your stomach? It’s almost as flat as mine!”

“I’ve been eating less. Drinking nothing but water and orange juice. Jogging 6 miles a day. Stuff like that.”

“Dude, this year we’re both single and you’re looking really skinny. We can have a lot of fun taking girls on the boat.”

“Yeah, technically I’m single, but I’m living my life like I’m not, out of respect for the woman I hope to marry again someday.”

“That’s cool, but we can still have fun on the boat, right?”

“Of course!”

We get to work on the boat, preparing to go out on Shasta Lake this coming weekend. It’s March. It’s 80 degrees. The water will be cold, for sure, but perhaps one of us will be crazy enough to try wake boarding. I’ve now lost 38 lbs since December… this time I think I’ll be able to stand up on the board.


Another Goal Reached

My goal for the week was to get under 240 lbs. On December 3rd I weighed 271 lbs. I stepped off the scale not 5 minutes ago. I now weigh… well, I’ll just let you read it yourself:

February 22nd, 2007

Yeah, I know… I need to clean the scale with some Windex or something. But that’s beside the point.

I’ve lost 31.5 lbs. YES!! Lots more pounds need to be dropped, but this is actually becoming fun.

PS: My latest blog on the site is up.


Size 36 Pants. XL Shirt.

As of this morning I’ve lost 29.5 lbs. I’m constantly having to pull up my pants, as they keep wanting to fall off. More and more people are making comments about the difference. My stomach is noticeably flatter. Wendy says she sees a difference in my face but I can’t see it yet. I look in the mirror and it looks the same to me. I guess that’s the last place for the weight to leave.

Several people have asked how I’m doing it. It’s rather simple: no more soda, for one thing. I drink bottled water most of the time, but will usually drink a glass or two of orange juice for the vitamin C content. A friend of mine recommended that I switch to V8 instead so that I can still get the vitamin C and save myself the sugar. Perhaps I’ll do that sometime.

For breakfast I’m pretty predictable: I’ll eat one egg sandwich with cheese, except on Tuesdays when I have Eggs Florentine at a café to which I was recently introduced.

For lunch I end up getting the same thing almost everyday as well: a vegetarian sandwich from Safeway. I never thought I’d like such a thing but this one is great. They call it “Veggin’ Out” for those of you who have a Safeway close by. I highly recommend it. Make sure they don’t forget the olive spread. I get the meal deal, but substitute the soda and chips for bottled water and a banana.

Dinner is usually something random, but I watch the amount I eat and keep the portions small. Sometimes I’ll go to a restaurant. Sometimes I’ll be at Wendy’s house and she’ll make me something. Sometimes I’ll splurge and eat a few pieces of pizza. But I try to eat no later than 7pm. If I’m hungry after that time I’ll grab some pineapple or some green veggies.

I also take a men’s vitamin and usually a “vitamin B with C” pill as well. The latter was recommended to me by a person of low character who I once liked but am now having a hard time finding anything good about him. If you’re reading, you know who you are. Sorry, I couldn’t resist getting that dig in there. You’ll just never measure up, my man. (Hee Hee)

I still go to Starbucks every day just to enjoy the atmosphere while surfing the web on my Powerbook, but I’ve given up their Mochas. Those have been replaced with bottled water and a bottle of orange juice.

And then there’s The Trail. I walk and jog a 5.7 mile trail every morning. When walking, I do so as fast as I can without breaking into a jog. There are markers every half mile, so once in awhile I’ll break into a jog when I reach one of them and continue that jog until the next marker. By the time I’m back to my car I’m pouring sweat and look like I just stepped out of the shower, except clothed in sweat pants and a long sleeve sweat shirt. Oh, and my 49ers jacket. That’s worn every day to make me sweat more. Besides, the temperature is usually in the 30s when my walk begins.

I tried walking without my iPod the other day and my time was much worse. I figured I’d just spend the entire walk talking to God. It turns out I spent more time listening to how hard I was breathing. With the music turned up I can’t hear that. It must be psychological, but when I can hear myself breathing hard I tend to slow down a bit. With the music up I don’t feel I’m working myself above what I can stand.

The Trail playlist is almost entirely worship songs. I sing aloud as I walk (as long as nobody is around, that is) and enjoy time with my Creator. I’ll have to shoot some photos of the trail sometime so you can see why I think of it as “The God Trail”. It’s gorgeous. My favorite part is the spot between the 2.5 mile marker and the 3.0 mile marker. That’s usually where I see a beautiful bald eagle sitting on a rock in the middle of the river, looking for fish. He’s there almost every morning. Once in awhile I’m lucky enough to have him glide over my head with his wings stretched out.

This weekend I’ll be in New York for a Porn and Pancakes event and The Today Show is supposed to be there filming it. That being the case, I decided I’d better go to Macy’s and buy some clothes that fit right. Prior to the weight loss I wore a size 38 or 40 pants (depending on the brand) and a XXL shirt. Last night I was happy to discover I now wear a 36 pants and XL shirt. Yes! My goal is to reach a 32 waist and L shirt.

I’ll keep updating each week.

By the way, the Porn and Pancakes event I’ll be attending was mentioned on Saturday Night Live. Click here to go to the Porn and Pancakes website to watch the clip. I find it very humorous.